//Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (And a thousand plot holes)

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (And a thousand plot holes)


Billed as being the 3D family friends space adventure of the summer. We see Valerian and Laureline as two ‘agents’ who try to maintain peace. Which seems to be by stealing things and taking them to their people more often than not. The love story between the two partners is started very early in the film as Valerian keeps trying to get Laureline to be with him, she refuses given his track record with having so many partners. In the end asking her to marry him as a show of his intent to give that life up for her. She refuses again.

Valerian is shaken still by a dream he had, of aliens, pearls and a space princess. One that we have already seen clearly, enjoying her world. Her people living in peace, collecting the pearls that are so important to their race. Feeding them to this small alien creature who replicates one into hundreds more. Before their world is attacked, and countless of their people killed.

The mission they are sent on, finds them saving the last of these replicator creatures. As well as the last surviving pearl, from a race and planet that seems to be removed from all data bases. Left as but a myth or legend. Things fall strangely when they are attacked and attempted to have the creature removed. Their leader being kidnapped instead. Taken through the space station, which holds thousands of different kinds of creatures in their own little areas purpose built. To a grey area inside, that shows radioactivity and is growing dangerously so. To the point that the whole station is going to blow up, very soon.

This is a highly overly complicated storyline, which I will not go into much or it will spoil what little of a plot there is. My first gripe with this storyline is the whole love story which threads through the entire production. Of this womaniser turning faithful for one special girl. The love story isn’t needed, doesn’t progress the storyline, it feels like it is just shoved in between a dozen other miss matched ideas just to attract more viewers. I also question the fact the producers think that promoting easy love in the past of the main role model in the film is family friendly. It certainly isn’t something that I would want my children to be watching or thinking is acceptable.

Then my second gripe is the 3d effects, which must be stunning. Not being able to view the subject without puking, I can’t comment there. I can, however, comment that the effects used do not translate into a 2d viewing what so ever. The plot has been sacrificed for effect budget, leaving the production very wanting.

Third gripe, the storyline. We have two hours of blah blah, X attacked Y because they wanted their planet and resources. Then X tried to cover it up, deleting all records so they wouldn’t be found out. So Y strikes back trying to survive. And X tries to destroy them completely this time. Could be taken as a political statement, again not something I would want to see so openly in a family friendly movie. However, it just comes across as bland, dull, uninteresting.

There was nothing I found even remotely interesting in the entire movie. I was constantly thinking please let it be over!

2/10 and I think I am being very generous. I am only giving it two stars because I thought the idea of being in one place, yet having glasses and gloves to see and touch another realm was interesting. Otherwise, the whole production should be buried under the patio and forgotten about.



By | 2018-02-03T10:35:37+00:00 August 18th, 2017|Movies|0 Comments

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